Today, sorta rough...nausea and stomach pain...the oncologist said, I'd likely sail through the first round of chemo and the first few weeks of radiation. If this is sailing...I am prone to sea sickness! Yuch.
But I was thinking as I was lying in bed about the concept of surrender...in many contexts...there's of course, the ultimate surrender of one's life and will to God, and there is also the daily surrender (thank you 3rd step) and there is a daily decision in this process for me to surrender to despair or some type of deeper, and more meaningful and dignified surrender to whatever suffering is handed to me.
And this poem... the most difficult I have posted....I have been pondering for several years after it was given to me by a student at a local private university where I consulted at the Student Counseling Office...it was her favorite poem...when I was 19, my favorite poem was a Dylan song...not something so complex...but here we go...
There is surrendering in one's "captivity" in suffering, that is liberating.
What Are Years?
What is our innocence,
what is our guilt? All are
naked, none is safe. And whence
is courage: the unanswered question,
the resolute doubt, -
dumbly calling, deafly listening-that
in misfortune, even death,
encourage others
and in it's defeat, stirs
the soul to be strong? He
sees deep and is glad, who
accedes to mortality
and in his imprisonment rises
upon himself as
the sea in a chasm, struggling to be
free and unable to be,
in its surrendering
finds its continuing.
So he who strongly feels,
behaves. The very bird,
grown taller as he sings, steels
his form straight up. Though he is captive,
his mighty singing
says, satisfaction is a lowly
thing, how pure a thing is joy.
This is mortality,
this is eternity.
Marianne Moore
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What a wonderful poem. Thank you. I hope you feel taller as you sing. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteMary Lou
Thinking of you each day and praying for you more often. Thank you for the daily posts and poems........you continue to be an amazing mentor to me.
ReplyDeleteKim
Hi Steve-I pray that the side effects are few and that you may overcome them with the deeper things in your life. I love marine life, particularly dolphins and sea turtles. I found a passage from The Dolphin: Story of a Dreamer by Sergio F. Bambaren, which is quite inspirational for me and I hope you too.
ReplyDeleteOvercoming Limits
"Discovering new worlds will not only
bring you happiness and wisdom,
but also sadness and fear.
How could you value happiness
without knowing what sadness is?
How could you achieve wisdom
without facing your own fears?
In the end, the great challenge in life
is to overcome
the limits within yourself,
pushing them to places you would never
have dreamed they could go."
Keeping you and Kathy in my prayers.
Steve, my heart goes out to you as you endure these many trials, and with such grace and wit! A passage comes to mind as one identifies with Christ in suffering: Philippians 3:10 "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection from the dead." My prayer is that in the kidst of this difficult pain you are deeply held by our magnificent Savior. Praying daily for you and Kathy. In Him,
ReplyDeleteMike
Steve,
ReplyDeleteThe poem is moving. Your student has apparently experienced suffering in her ,I'm assuming, young life. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so sick. I'll pray for strength and stamina for you both and that these days are few. You and Kathy remain in my thoughts and prayers always.
Cindy N
No post from you today, Steve...I missed your wit, your stories, your way of making sense of this all. But I also know that it's okay NOT to have any more witty words, to have no desire to share your story, and to just surrender rather than trying to understand. You may just simply need to rest in the arms of God...and patiently wait for this to pass. Prayers and postive energy to get through one day at a time for you and Kathy. Jodi
ReplyDeletewordless but praying. was so hoping the rough stuff would not come so quickly. please let me know if there is ANYTHING we can do to ease your suffering. am thinking about the idea of bearing one another's burdens...feeling helpless because no good ideas are coming to me.
ReplyDeleteHere we are, a cloud of witnesses, of sorts-- watching, waiting, without expectation, floating hopefully and carrying you constantly in our varied, human hearts. God is with you always.
ReplyDeleteHey Steve. It's the not very competent computer girl trying to send a message with the help of my 16 year old. I'm keeping you in my morning and night prayers.Unfortunately, my list keeps growing. Your top 10 list was good. It sounds like your fighting the good fight. It's a good time to remember that Footprints story. I know you do. I'm missing your good stories already. Get better so you can come see me again.
ReplyDelete