Checking in -
Day one of radiation, and day one of chemo is over. 34 days of radiation and 3 or 5 chemo days left. ( 5 if my overall condition, blood counts, etc. can handle the last two chemo days during week 7; three chemo days left if my physical state can't tolerate it).
It was a long day... It took me till about 2:30 AM to fall asleep last night, in spite of an ambian/lorazepam cocktail at 10. For the first time, thoughts of "tomorrow" crept a little too forcefully into my going-to-sleep-wandering-thoughts, and let me know that no sleeping pill was as powerful as they. Anyway, we were out the door at 6:45AM and to Omaha by 8:00. First radiation, not a big problem, but my head is encased in a mask that is so tight I can't open or shut my eyelids once it's on and screwed into the metal table I was laying on. (could any reader give me a definitive answer here...was I laying on the table or lying on the table...?). OK, so...you know when you are in the dentist chair, and have been shot up with Novacain..and you have cotton rolls between your teeth and your gums, and the dentist has perhaps one or two dental instruments working in your mouth, and the little suction tube digging into the sensitve flesh under your tongue...and then asks you a question...SO, HOW HAS YOUR SUMMER BEEN...DID YOU TAKE A VACATION? And you, like an idiot, try to respond...prtttttgdddwhaavntgnnywhrerrryet.....well, I have my head screwed into this table, and it feels like it's being flattened into a two dimensional plane...and the assistant asks me how much rain did we have to drive through and one or two other questions....my answer to each question sounded like this...gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggwwwwwwwwwwww.
OK...after removing the mask, my head has pretty much returned to its relatively normal three dimensional space. And, of course, after the first day...no symptoms and no ill will on my part toward that evil instrument of terror.
Then, a blood draw, a brief meeting with the oncologsit, and up the elevator for my day of chemo. One bit of mildly disappointing news from the oncologist...given the tenderness of the stomach PEG and the feel of the flesh around it, he suspects a slight infection ...can anything at this stage really be considered "slight?" which he informs me will be knocked out, no problemo, with a week of antibiotics.
So, chemo was generally OK...one little surprise I was not prepared for...in addition to the cancer drug (Cisplatin...sp?) they gave me a nice pouch full of lasix (my first encounter with that powerfully effective drug)...to flush all the liquid out of my system...and then proceeded to add somewhere between a gallon and a bathtub full of saline solution along with the cancer drug...now...they will have to deal with the worn carpet path between the recliner chair I was sitting in and the restroom. I would get to the restroom, wheeling that IV pole just like I've seen done in the movies...then...AHHHHHHHH. Then, I would return to the recliner, try to get comfy...ask Kathy to get that blanket around me...(I'm sure they also were used the chemo room as a meat locker just behind some screens we couldn't see past)...and just as the blanket and I were arranged in the recliner...I'd flip that chair back to it's fully locked and upright position, and off I'd be again, wheeling my chemo behind me....and on and on like that most of the five hours. They also added some antinausea meds, and sent me home with prescriptions for a variety of other antinausea meds...so far so good! OK...we got home around 6PM.
Overall, I am quite relieved to have this first day behind me...and just a little worn out from the day...so I'll combine the post with a quick "deeper things" entry which renewed me like spinach to Popeye when he's been run over and flattened by a steam roller...
Deeper things - NIGHT THREE ... PSALM 23 RITUAL
The last thing I felt like doing after being infused with about a hot-tubs worth of liquid was to come home and shoot another 60ml into my stomach...but I did...and as I now practice...I recited the 23 Psalm...each day, I notice I am slowing down the process of recitation...good for me...
and then...the verse "He restoreth my soul" LIT UP...and I experienced a sense of soul re-inflation...I dont know if I can describe it better than that.
A definite "deeper thing" to top my day off...and somehow tonight....."it is well with my soul." Thanks, God!!!
Oh, and another thing...I feel you praying for me...and I ride on those prayers like a surfer riding a beautiful wave...thank you all so much!!!!!!
GOD BLESS YOU!
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Steve, To answer the lay vs lie question, my high school English taught us that you, yourself, lie down. but you lay an object down, if that helps.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can feel me holding your hand through this because I am. Day one is down and soon week one will be a memory (though maybe not the best one!). As usual, your blog is amazing. I end my day by reading the latest and I am awed by your insight. Then I remember you in my prayers and turn out the light. So goodnight. Just know you are deeply loved. Barb
I am inspired by your strength, your wit, your willingness to share this experience. I am praying for you, thinking of you and walking for you.....listening closely to every chirp of the birds, sounds of crickets and the smell of the morning air. Be still...be well and know you are loved.
ReplyDeletethank you. Barb...what a blessing to me to read that...(paragraph two)...and to know that!!!! Paragraph one helps, to (just kidding...paragraph one helps, too)...you are a wonderful Mom-in-Law!
ReplyDeleteI love you,
steve
anonymous...
ReplyDeletewonderful comment...bless you!
prayed throughout the day for you and in the eucharist today. sounds very intense... will continue to breathe your name to the throneroom many times per day. smiled when i remembered today a comment you made not too long ago, about wishing you had the secret to losing five pounds. you may have found one strategy :)
ReplyDeleteGina,
ReplyDeleteI guess we must be careful for what we wish for...I wonder if I only had wished for the secret to losing 3 pounds, if maybe I'd of been dealing with a mild case of food poisoning instead!!!
But...I am now wishing (praying) for deeper things... and wouldn't you know it; He's delivering more than I asked for in that regard as well!
thanks for your prayers...I am up and ready for (almost excited for?) day 2.
Blessings!
steve
Steve - I sent little prayers throughout the day yesterday, as well as my "biggie" in the morning (for years I've prayed in the car on the way to work...sounds weird, I know). Those "procedure" days can drag on and on, I know.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing not only the unpleasantness, but the inspiration and strength God is providing.
Prayed for you throughout the day yesterday and, coincidentally throughout the early morning hours, as I, too, am a night wrestler; so know you are covered in prayer even then…..I love Psalm 77 (NIV):
ReplyDelete1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah
16 The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron
M&M
Here's someone whose story you might enjoy reading: http://www.q13fox.com/community/cancer
ReplyDeleteHe's a news anchor, diagnosed with cancer, who decided to share his experience. He talks about his chemo and just started the radiation. He's very inspiring, as are you. May all of the prayers and wellwishes combine to heal you and in the process, keep you and yours strong and happy.