Checking In...Diagnosis

Every day is a journey,
and the journey itself is home.
BASHO


Today was a journey...IV with radioactive glucose...wait an hour....CAT Scan...nice...peaceful...another of my fears put to rest (I was always fearful of being buried alive by a deranged kidnapper with a 10 foot straw to breathe through..then...like in the movies...he gets shot, and I never get found...now....the CAT scan was rather a pleasant cacoon...the fear...not so much) hours more waiting...then they bring us into smaller room to wait some more........that last waiting was like doing hard time...watching and waiting for the doorknob to turn...I felt like I was going to vomit.

Then in he walks...I inhale....the news...I have tonsil cancer that has spread to a lymph node...stage 3 cancer...I exhale.

OK, Steven...breathe in...I think this is going to be OK...breathe out, thank you God...breathe in... OH, NO...STAGE 3 sounds bad...breathe out...it could be so much worse...breathe in... NO OTHER CANCER ANYWHERE IN MY BODY...breathe out...thank you God, again. Breathe in...he wants me to go to an oncology dentist to yank any weak teeth before radiation starts...WHAT? breathe out...He'll get me in today...Breathe in...radiation may burn out some salivary glands, maybe permanent dry mouth...Breathe out...I'll just need to drink lots of water...Breathe in...maybe some swallowing issues...maybe some changes in voice tone....breathe out...but I have every reason to be hopeful for a good outcome and cure...breathe out...thank you God...breathe in..breathe out...THIS IS NOW HOME.... I can live here if need be.

The ENT recommended 7 weeks of radiation & 3 cycles of chemo...or surgery and radiation, though the surgery would be complex do to the size of the lymph node, and may need some reconstruction surgery of the palate and a temporary tracheotomy, and complications could spell long term swallowing difficulties and voice changes and some other nasty stuff. He said the radiation and chemo without surgery will have just as high a cure rate (65-85%) as the surgery and radiation option.

I've decided with the help of my brother in law, TIm, an ENT, and a godsend, in Wisconsin, I'll skip over the surgery, thank you very much, and go straight to the 7 weeks of daily loving medical attention, without passing go. He said I'd sail through the first 3-4 weeks, but then this will start to feel like the worst sunburn I ever had on the inside of my mouth, and a sore throat from hell.

I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful...the prayers of many...including those reading this...have lifted my spirit and have been answered...

I am ready...I am home...I am ready...I am ready....I am so thankful for so much...I am so thankful.