To the friends I know...thank you, bless you; you are so unbelievably kind to me. To the friends I don't know who have posted... well, you are friends now...and your prayers and well wishes touch me. To the friends who I do (or don't) know that are just reading along, but don't care to post...thank you and bless you. I pray now and then this will be meaningful and perhaps enrich your day as you read...a poem, a thought, a comment...I am grateful to all of you beyond words. You take the time to read and I know some of you are reading regularly...I am amazed and find it a wondrous thing...and I am touched that you keep coming back to read...I know this is my little adventure...but to be honest...it feels to me more and more like the adventure isn't just mine alone.
Today, day 6 of radiation, I met again with the oncologist. I found out that I am having such a rough time because not only was my stomach tube infected, but I have an infection in my mouth... he's optimistic that getting these infections cleared will make me feel better before it gets worse. I guess that's something to feel good about, in a sort of good news bad news way...he thinks my discomfort from chemo and radiation was compounded by these infections...I also was dehydrated because everything was tasting bad and nauseating...even water. Sorry for the gory details, I didn't want to do much of that, but that's my status. The stomach is mending a bit, now the mouth, and then I'll deal with the rest. I will re-hydrate as best I can today.
On the one hand, I read your comments and write, and feel encouraged. On the other hand...I see people at the cancer center who seem much more spirited than I, and sometimes I drag in there like I'm feeling so sorry for myself. I want to be more of a fighter here, and start being more of an encourager to others, and less self-absorbed. My God, how does a single Mom do this?...how does someone who doesn't have insurance, and loses their sole income survive? And then try to deal with all this pain and discomfort? And I am 57...I see 75 year olds taking this on...how do they do it?
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I guess they do it like all of us...one day at a time, clinging to God's grace, the love of others and the prayers of the body of Christ: family/friends/strangers who care.
ReplyDeleteYour reflections are certainly a reminder to all of us of the blessings we have and the burdens others carry. I honestly do not see self absorption in your blog....I see honesty,wrestling and you being open to the deeper things...for yourself and us.
Thank you for sharing all...so we know how to pray...and we are.
Blessings,
M & M
At 9:30 am your time this morning, Fr. Paul and I prayed for you at the altar at St. David's Episcopal Church in Roswell, GA.... "when two or more are gathered in My Name, there I am in the midst of them." That's Jesus between Georgia and Nebraska; pretty spiff if you ask me. Now please have some watermelon, it's 98% water and .... time to rehydrate.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a freakin' slog, and your heart 'n soul are so strong and bright. Bless you, Steve.
Steve,
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers daily. I am quoting your "birds in the hood" line everywhere! I never thought about it that way before. Kathy too is on my heart. ..
Becky
It's good (?) to hear about the infection...at least there is some reason things feel worse than you had anticipated. I'm hoping the next few weeks improve for you. Your realizations about connectedness and empathy and blessings...I get how that feels. During my toughest times in life, that's when I felt the most supported. These struggles are amazing teachers for us and without them, where would we be?
ReplyDeleteI've looked at clouds from both sides now
ReplyDelete"From up and down, and still - It's just illusions I recall - I really don't know clouds at all." A little wisdom from Joni. All just clouds. Passing clouds.
May you have better days ahead.
J.
I love you, Steve. And the new member of my family, Milo, sends his feline love as well.
ReplyDeleteKim