Radiation day 20 of 35
There is not much to say today. Obviously this is getting difficult. I don't know that I will even try to check in daily, but when I feel enough energy, I will. I mostly lie in bed, wiped out. I don't sleep very much, though; I am more just in some kind of twilight zone of discomfort. They were right about it getting worse as it approaches the later stages of treatment. Today I completed four of seven weeks. I can't imagine it ever coming to an end, but I know it will. Then the slow healing. Energy is all but gone. My work is to pour enough liquid and nourishment through the feeding tube to keep my fluids up; this is not as easy as it sounds. Everything seems to require monumental effort, especially when nauseated. I failed yesterday and had to do IV fluids in Omaha and I hate that. I would never have imagined this. Sorry, I know I sound and feel a pretty lousy today.
I have 16 acorns and 4 pine cones to look at, and a view of the ivy turning colors on the fence outside the window. My consolation for the day.
Thank you for praying for me...God listens.
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steve, we are here; we are listening. even when you cannot talk to us, we are all listening to your heart , your pain. please ask Kathy to find Redemtion Songs, by Sons of Korah on i tunes for you. Download it . listen to it . if you're able. all of us reading your blog are walking with you through this in our own feeble way.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing, even though you didn't probably feel up to it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and letting us have a window into what it's like, so that we can have the opportunity to pray for you.
Love the acorn and pine cone idea. Hang in there.
KBK
Steve, prayers from Canada are stronger than ever. Hold tight.
ReplyDeleteMay the fires of Autumn warm your soul and give you the strength you need for this last leg of radiation. Remember that many, many people that you don't know, of many faiths, are sending you their strength, energy and prayers. Listen to these words of Mary Ann Radmacher:
ReplyDelete“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”
Thanks for devoting much of your efforts to writing on your blog. Be assured that we are praying more than ever. May the God of all comfort be your companion through this time of extreme difficulty. Many, Many hugs. God bless.
ReplyDeleteRemmeber, the Lord is stil your shepard, he carries you. He carries my prayers for you. I pray thoughts of him can drift with you throughout these seemingly lost days. Thank you Steve. Gods blessing and comfort always.
ReplyDeleteSteve-Below is a short poem by Rumi. To me, it means we suffer to grow. I wish I could take some of your nausea or pain or fatigue away from you-even if just for a 5 minute reprieve. I am thinking about you and your journey. Remember, as Winston Churchill once said, "when you are going through hell, keep going!" I hope you are saying good and healing things to yourself. After the 'treatment' the real healing can begin. You are almost there...
ReplyDeleteI said, "thou art harsh like such a one.'
"Know' he replied.
'That I am harsh for good, not for rancor or spite.'
Whoever enters saying "This I" I smite him on the brow;
For this is the shrine of love, of fool!, it is not the sheep's cote!
Rub thine eyes and behold the image of the heart!
Steve - have been following your blog for the past month, reassured by you deep spiritual faith and often reminded of the old Blum sense of humor...you're pretty doggone literate too, a part of you we never got to appreciate back in high school days. It seems, of late, that the drudgery of nausea, malaise and the medical industrial complex is starting to get you down, old buddy...so time for me to get off the sidelines and give you a good old long island boost. remember how we freaked when skinny, shy Bob O'lock announced he had joined the marines?...i'd have bet the suburban homestead he was going to die in bootcamp training...somehow he persevered and came home 12 weeks later looking like he could take us all out in one lick...not that he would, the gentle soul he really was...in any case, one acorn at a time, and you will survive this ordeal and be stronger for it...you seem have an incredible circle of friends in your present life praying and pulling for you...and at least one from the bygone days...stay the course, my old friend and i'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...now go out and grab yourself another acorn...bruce g.
ReplyDeleteWe're praying, Steve. You're on the fingertips of lifted, praying hands.
ReplyDeleteSteve,
ReplyDeleteHang tough. This to shall pass. Unfortunately not as quickly as you would like. We all pray and love you so much. cd
Today is Mom's birthday - I'm sure she is looking down wishing she could make you a milkshake and sneak in a raw egg - a 4'10" woman who could single handedly carry down a mattress from the attic, throw it in the car and deliver it to a boy scout camp out will find a way to let you know she is with you - she'll help get you through this....
ReplyDeleteAnn
Wow...these posts are too much...I love you all. How could I not be encouraged. Good to hear from you Bruce...grab that ping pong racket and let's see who is really the best. Yes, I remember that day with Bob O. He wasn't too happy with our subsequent college lifestyle if I remember...good for us that he WAS a gentle soul. Ann, I am sure Mom has some midnight snack for me and will find a way to sneak it through to me... as I would tiptoe in late, late, late...."steve, is that you? ...are you hungry?"
ReplyDeleteYou are all too much!
what do you need? more soup? some different music to listen to? a book read to you? I wish there was something I could do and when there is, I hope that you will ask. Prayers coming your way. Jodi
ReplyDelete