My nights are adventures...I have taken up residence in our guest room, as I never know what to expect. Once I wake up, I generally wake up every hour for the remainder of the evening, with some pretty weird stuff. Our cat Simcha has appointed herself my keeper, and until last night, would not let me have much peace, wanting to sleep on top of me anyway she can...last night, mercifully, she took the night off and slept on the couch in the living room. (don't suggest closing the door...have you ever had a cat?) So, last night, I awoke (or thought I did) at 3AM...with a start...and I thought I said "so this is the color!"...we have an outdoor grill with an infrared burner to "seal in the juices" when grilling meat...you see the burners at fast food greek gyro places cooking the meat on that large skewer...anyway...at 3AM I awoke and realized that my throat was glowing red like that infrared burner...I say...I thought I awoke, because I also realized there were other people in the room with me...and all of their throats were glowing, only each person's glow was a different color. Could it have been just a dream? Perhaps; they were all gone when I woke up at 4AM. At 4AM, I woke up and my throat was completely parched...so I was able to eat some pudding...it worked, I got it down...then at 5AM, I awoke thinking about a line in a poem for a deeper things entry which I hope to do tonight...I spent a good 20 minutes thinking about this amazing line; such pleasant thoughts I had...then at 6AM I woke up and thought...this is going to be a better day.
And it has been. I think the infections are clearing, and I feel only like a regular cancer patient, not like someone from Night of the Living Dead. And it is such a relief. Yes, my throat burns (day 7 finished) and food and water are awful, but I used the feeding tube yesterday quite a bit, and I think I got myself more hydrated. I do feel like I am back from the dead. I am not nauseated. I am seeing clients this afternoon. It is a blessing...I love my work.
This is the "better before it gets worse." I will take it. I will live here today...and try not to expect anything at all for tomorrow. I get a 3 day weekend reprieve from treatment for Labor Day, though I understand that radiation never sleeps!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Steve - you may be completely uninterested in new input in this time of immense learning, but your musings on vulnerability move me to mention a book I found outstanding on this subject: Undefended Love by Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyon. We have such a (largely untapped) ability to companion ourselves through all experience when we're vulnerable in a well way. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteSimcha is doing a good job helping. She just needs to learn how to find a good place and way to be with you. I am glad the Dr.'s found the infections, and I pray God guides their hands. I don't know about cancer treatment, but could some external ice give you any relief? The closest I have ever been to feeling such heat is just a common hot flash.... Pitiful, yes? I just keep praying and lifting you up to Him.
ReplyDeleteShelly...I'll give it a read...
ReplyDeleteDKS...maybe hot flashes are a doorway as well!
Cats really are intuitive comforters. My first cat, Peaches, comforted me many times when not feeling well. She always knew when I was pregnant and was there to comfort me when I wasn't anymore. Boots, the boy cat I have now, is not nearly so connected...could it be the male vs. female cat? Totally understand the closed door phenomena...if cats want to irritate, they will find that last nerve, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I don't know what your burning throat feels like, but I woke up today with one of the mightiest sore throats I have ever had. Lots of talk of H1N1 at school so it's not a welcome symptom of what may be to come. Hang in there! Glad you have a little break this weekend.