Radiation day 11
I think I am ready to throw in the towel on trying to eat food. It's a conspiracy of factors which include:
1. the perversion of all taste - even bland is now tasting really, really foul.
2. sore throat
3. depletion of saliva
4. loss of appetite
5. increased difficulty swallowing
Ciao spaghetti, I will not forget you or your friend lasagna; Min tian jian Chinese food, you special pal; catch you later, BBQ ribs; adios burrito and taco; see ya, burger & fries; shalom, bagel & lox...don't cry for me, cream cheese... another day, another day, and we will reunite with gusto.
Oddly, since eating has become so aversive, it doesn't feel like a current loss to give it up...rather, it's just a new way of doing business to get my nutritional needs and fluid intake accomplished. Someday, I am going to really enjoy a large plate of spaghetti, garlic bread, salad, and plenty of ice water. And for dessert, a nice piece of strawberry-rhubarb pie and a cup of steaming hot coffee. In the meantime...pass me that can of Ensure and get lost.
I've been registered for months to attend a workshop conducted by Ted Kooser, Poet Laureate 2004-2006, Pulitzer Prize for poetry winner in 2005 and resident of a small town a stone's throw from Lincoln. The workshop is this Saturday. I am praying for a good day, at least a good 5 hours. He is a survivor of throat cancer and went through treatment 11 years ago and is cancer free!!!
My baseline is hard to establish...I may feel good in the morning, but so tired by mid afternoon, and really lousy by mid-evening; the same is true of my throat status...it's not all downhill...sometimes I feel better. Once I lie down, regardless of time of day...it seems such a chore to get up for any reason at all. Today, I did radiation, rode up and back with a friend, and decided to rest for an hour before going to my office to see a few clients. It was tough to get up. Tuesday is the last appointment I have scheduled at the office; Wed. & Thurs. is round 2 of chemotherapy, and then I will sleep and sleep and sleep for the next 6 weeks..to live the life of a bear for awhile.
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I pray you can sleep and nap in the sunshine on your patio and feel the sun/son shining on your face.
ReplyDeleteI hope Maddie comes by to put belly rings on your tummy portal, and that your vacation from such earthly eating pleasure emerges into healing and luscious delights, o bear of soon winter
ReplyDeleteAnd a perfect Prayer Titled "Eternal Love"
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't bring me roses
but He is called the Rose of Sharon.
He doesn't send flowers to my office
but He grows beautiful flowers in my garden.
He doesn't kiss me
but I sense His kiss when I feel the sunshine
or softly falling rain.
He doesn't give me sparkling diamonds to wear
but the stars He set in the sky shine
even more brilliantly.
He doesn't whisper in my ear
but His still small voice is ever with me.
He isn't a valentine who has pledged lifelong
love but He is Eternal Love.
He demonstrated it
Not by gifts or well-intentioned promises
but by offering Himself as the
fulfullment of promise.
Not by standing with me at the wedding alter
but by placing hHimself on the alter.
That I may know life
That I may know Him
and love Him forever.
AMEN
I wish I could write you a bagel-- words as wonderful to consume as an Essa Bagel bagel with cream cheese. But food comes in many forms.
ReplyDeleteI hope Ted Kooser feeds your soul a lasting feast.
ANON...what nourishing words!!! Thank you. I am feasting.
ReplyDeleteTy...good poem/prayer. His "still small voice" is every with me these days.
Diane..."bear of soon winter" I like it!
DKS... that golden slumber will fill my eyes!