Radiaton day 15... Chemo, cycle 2 day 1
Today was as it should have been - difficult. Radiation at 9:15, a two hour wait to see the oncologist, then 6 hours of chemotherapy. My veins did not cooperate nor hold up well to the onslaught, thus, both arms are now pretty well bruised up. Tomorrow will be interesting. It is to be a repeat of today sans visit with the oncologist, so we might get out of there at 4:00 instead of 6:00PM. I have a boatload of pills to be taking over the next three days to minimize nausea. Enough of the gory details, it was NO fun.
Since I had so much time to think today, I thought. Here is what I decided about the whole courage business. Courage is not looking at the impossible mountain that lies ahead and charging forward like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Courage, at least for me, is making a decision to entrust that impossible mountain to God. In return, He entrusts back to me the next 3 feet of the path and I look squarely at that three feet and decide, "I can take that next step" and I lift up my foot and move it forward. And, I realized, to my surprise, I have been finding this courage after all. I think I am being infused not just by those awful chemicals, but by the prayers, well wishes and love of family, friends, and you reader friends. And it re-fills that courage reservoir.
One more thought. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, assume it was like today...I'll check in if it was not. Enough of the bad stuff for a day or two. Please, instead, find me and meet me in the song below...listen, and I will meet you about halfway through it...I will be there.
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Steve,
ReplyDeleteYour words are wonderful. I believe you are very brave and so generous to share this experience with us. I thought about you numerous times today. I know God has you in the palms of his hands. Cindy D.
I just want to add that I am deeply moved by your faith and your writing. I will miss seeing you around the office. I figured out how to load the water dispenser. Sometimes your absence allows others to figure things out. Most important is for you to take this time to heal. I appreciate your words about being brave. Why didn't they tell us that adulthood could be this hard? Ann
ReplyDeleteAnn and Cindy
ReplyDeleteI am grateful to you and all my office mates and former colleagues at the Regional Centers, and Concordia U. You have all shown such care and support. I hardly feel worthy of all that, but it speaks a great deal about you all. I'm sending a virtual rose to each of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers as well!
Steve