deeper things - a silver tear appearing

Radiation day 26 of 35

What I write is what I write, as I go through it, and today, I have gone through a moment I hope I might be able to convey. I drove to my office and paid October rent, and I drove home. But driving home, this song popped into my head out of nowhere. I haven't been a James Taylor fan since the early 1970's, and I have NEVER been a country music fan. But he did write a few classic songs. And I don't know where or when I heard Alison Krauss sing this, but I must have, because that was the version playing in my mind. And I realized this song was sort of a gift to me in this moment. And so, as is my tendency these days when I am driving alone in my car...a silver tear appeared...

I just felt...dare I say...happy. The past is coming, nay, rushing, to make peace with me...it's not coming to me in a huanted way as it did for so many years. (No explanation necessary...this is a blog...not a case study). The present as well...it just all feels peaceful. I am in crazy physical hell...but in my mind, I am more and more and more...and more...(left open intentionally). And the future...well, it's beckoning, not wanting to be left out...it's got some space for me where the view is great and the sun is shining; I wont always be writing from the dark side of the moon.

I hardly slept last night, but I did not get sick, and I'll take that exchange. Sleep and food...who knew neither was all that important (just kidding). But seriously, I think I only actually sleep about 3 hours a day these days...isn't that odd. I am so tired, but I can't sleep.

So I came home and found this on YouTube. And once again...in my mind...I drifted along to Carolina, with a few tears. And in my mind...please indulge me, even if you don't want to listen... please just listen anyway and catch a few words, and you go there too. Yes, there are times it seems like this ordeal "goes on like this forever"...but it would make me happier if you could travel with me during the good moments like I had today, and maybe if you would listen...it would make me even happier. (Note the very end of the song...by golly...there is James Taylor in the audience.) So...the rest of what I have to say today was written for me already in this song, and has been waiting for years to come out.

By the way, I have absolutely no connection with Carolina...but it wouldn't sound right if James sang..."In my mind I'm going to Long Island."

love is the finest thing around...