So as to not get too cocky about being "finished," with treatment, yesterday I was handed my worst day, physically, yet, and today has been rough. Yesterday, I could not keep any cans of liquid food down, and got sick a number of times during the day. Today is only a little better. I am coughing up bad stuff...and very weak. The oncologist warned me that this would be the worst week, even after treatment subsides, and I guess he was telling the truth. I just need for time to pass so that my body gets the message that the radiation has stopped...and the burning has stopped. Then, healing can begin; for now, I am feeling quite weak.
I woke up at 2:30AM and have been up since. Since I feel so poorly, that makes for a very long and slow day. I am still very happy about being done with radiation, but I guess, at some level, I wanted to believe that things would start getting better right away, and that is just not the case.
In a few days...I can't wait...the pain and nausea will subside; I just need to be patient with this suffering. I still have a voice, weak as it is, and I still have a life. Friday night...hmmn... I am ready for that to mean something again. I am on a hydrocodone "patch" that has me groggy, though, it's hard to tell how much of that grogginess is just lack of sleep, and how much is the drugs.
we are all disappointed...we are all waiting for this to get better...we are all tired of waiting.
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Well, this does sound like a totally awful-feeling day. Do you look at your pine cones/acorns - the visible proof of what has passed?
ReplyDeleteYour comment re: Friday night reminds me of a friend whose partner underwent kidney cancer treatment last year (for most of the year). He (the partner) is not a heavy drinker, but once he felt strong and healthy, he scheduled an outing to purposely get tipsy.
So...I will be thinking of you this Friday night and every Friday night.
I won't take back my yips AND I continue my prayers, today's in the Abbey of Gethsemani here in Kentucky. I dunno if God hears them echoing more loudly, but it felt good to lift you up here. All of you, the hurting, the angry, the hopeful and the faithful
ReplyDeleteSteve, I just want to reassure you that we continue to pray for you regularly. I hope the pain begins to subside soon. God bless.
ReplyDeleteSteve,
ReplyDeleteSorry you feel so awful. Ugh. Cd
Steve,
ReplyDeleteSounds awful. Thinking and praying for you daily.
Cindy
They talk about the calm after the storm. Sure, there's calm, but also mud and mess and real damage. Clouds linger. But one day some acorns break open and let their trees out. Here's to a cool forest, waiting.
ReplyDeleteLoving you and praying for you day by day, my friend.
We hope you are starting to have some relief, getting some rest and keeping some nutrition down in order to gain some strength. Be gentle with yourself. We will keep you in our prayers- that Our Lord will continue to heal you and give you a strong sense of His presence. Blessings,
ReplyDeleteM & M