checking in - Oh, blessed relief

I have to hand it to the oncologists...they were spot on with predicting that the "turnaround" would really begin at the end of the second week of recovery or the beginning of the third. Tomorrow ends week two of recovery, and each of the last three days I have felt noticeably better. I feel more energy, less pain, and several mouth and throat symptoms are improving. I slept through the night last night, with only two brief periods of waking of about 15 minutes each. My mood is improving as well, and today, I caught myself singing along with the radio as I drove to the store. I haven't felt like singing in a long long time...

I feel such relief...and I am so thankful for it. Thank you God. Thank you all for praying for me through this. Thank you doctors who had a hand in this.

I have quoted this verse before in some post, but I've been thinking about "the waiting" part of this ordeal, and how that has vacillated...

"THEY THAT WAIT UPON THE LORD SHALL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH..." ISAIAH 40:31

I have waited, I have waited, I have waited...and I wait... through this ordeal... but the waiting vacillates in such extreme ways...

1. A good deal of my waiting has been adrift in a sea of discouragement and fear...that is an awful way to wait, and it is so far from waiting "on the Lord." I know there are people who endure extreme pain and never take their eyes off Him... I so admire those people... unfortunately, that was not my experience, but perhaps I am growing in this area. I pray that I would keep growing here.

2. Waiting with some sense of hopeful expectancy and trust. That's what I feel today...Is it just that I am feeling better and therefore, it is easier to have a renewed sense of hope, or is something else happening on a spiritual level? I don't know for sure. There is such a difference in these two states of waiting. I suppose it's never black or white, and waiting itself falls along a continuum of waiting "in the Spirit" and waiting "in the flesh."

Now I have another wait beginning...about a three month wait for a PT scan that will see if all the cancer has been killed off. I don't think there is much I can do at this point to impact the outcome, in terms of my choices, but I know it would be wise to strive for the #2 kind of waiting. Also, I can't afford to allow myself to dwell too much on the future, rather, I need to continue learning to fully appreciate each day and each blessing as it comes. I wont dwell on that scan too much here, for it will make everyone including myself sick of hearing about it.

I also wait for the day when I can again eat and drink the way we are intended to.

I saw a good friend yesterday, who I hadn't seen in 8 months, as he was working in Chicago...seeing him was a breath of fresh air. A visit last evening from my stepdaughter Amy and grandkids Tanner, Rilie, Avery and Ashton topped off a lovely day for me. They are all such immense blessings.

I write with hope and thankfulness for the day. I feel more alive, more energy, more reason, more sanity, with a tincture of joy on the horizon.