checking in- in the right direction, at a snail's pace

The last two days have been generally marked by slight overall improvement, but with ups and downs. It is still a half a week early for "noticeable" gains, and so I try not to let a few good hours color my expectations...invariably, part of the day is marked by feeling weak, sick, and miserable. I hate this word, but the "mucositis" is the most difficult symptom to live with right now, and it is what keeps me up a good part of the night, wearing the carpet out back and forth from the bed to the bathroom. I feel an almost continual need to...spit...and the relief only lasts a minute or two...then it's back again. TMI...sorry. But today, for the first time, I have been able to swallow with only moderate, not excrutiating pain. The swelling must be going down in my throat...that is a good sign. I was able to put a few ice chips in my mouth for the first time. Not that the terrible taste didn't still permeate that, but I was able to tolerate it. Who knows, food and drink may be on the horizon. I am also using less narcotic and a smaller patch for the last few days, and so I have felt more alert.

The sitting at home all day is really wearing on me... if i felt the energy to "do" something...anything...it wouldn't be so bad...but that energy is just not back yet. So I feel bored, lonely, isolated and the "D" word. Our cat Simcha sleeps all day under the bed...it is not as good a life as I once thought. She comes out around 4PM and starts paying attention to me for her 5:12 feeding. (Yes, 7:00AM, 5:12PM, and 9:12PM) She has an amazing internal clock. When Kathy comes home, both Simcha and I feel much better.

I want so much to get to the point where I am writing about the great day I had and the food I ate, and the enjoyment of returning to work...for half-days at the start...I know those days will arrive, like I know a snail eventually gets where it's going.