I must say, the last two days were like a two day nightmare. Yesterday, I felt more dead (how does that feel?... It feels just like I felt yesterday! ) than alive, and all systems were haywire. Terrible; everything that has been bad all happening at once. So, the good side to that was that I am considering that to me my "bottomed out" day. I slept periodically during the night, but nonetheless, slept. When I got out of bed, I felt better than yesterday, and I have a little more energy, less symptoms, and am more "with it." And why should not every day be a little better from here on out? I have no known reason to think things should get worse again...and since my body is not being exposed to chemo or radiation, why should it get worse? I am pleading with God that this be the case. Along with feeling so bad, I really felt depressed all day yesterday, like...feelings of hopelessness and helplessness type depressed... But, again, today, my spirits are lifted. I can walk from room to room without feeling like I am either going to pass out or be sick. So, when I say I have more energy, I can walk around the house (indoors) and feel no worse upon my arrival in one room than I did my departure from another.
I am feeling so grateful for these little gains today, and I am feeling like I can again look forward to each day henceforth as a day of increased recovery. I hope my renewed optimism is not unrealistic, and still I can't imagine yet the day coming when I will be able to drink or eat again, but it's coming. I remember not that long ago writing that each day does not predict the next, but that was in the midst of treatment...now, in the midst of healing, I am letting my hopes rest that the days will progressively get better, or at least not get worse again. Oh, may this be the case.
I couldn't face the blog yesterday, but was anxious to report today that I am feeling better. Thank you all for your encouragement and empathy. I'm feeling better today!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Glad to hear that today is better. I too pray that you begin to experience a steady improvement without too many setback days. Too bad the Huskers could not have provided at least a little bit of encouragement. The volleyball team did their part. Again, we continue to pray for your recovery. Hugs from all five of us(the cat included).
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you have been struggling but so glad today is bringing you some gains (be them ever so small). Those dark hours must seem like death. "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not be afraid because You are with me, Your rod and Your staff comfort me." May you continue to feel God's presence and healing and may you be comforted by His love and the love of others who continue to pray for you. We continue to lift you up to the Great Physician.
ReplyDeleteYou must be right...it can't get worse. Father Thomas sends his prayers. I sent you an email from St. Benedict's...I'm hoping it brings you a chuckle. I'm looking forward to the day that you can get back there for a contemplative prayer retreat...February!! But first a cheesburger! Soon! Jodi
ReplyDeleteSo glad to read you are feeling better and so glad the worst is over. Lots of prayers will continue until you are 100%.
ReplyDeleteCindy
Still here with you still praying. Usually it is very brief and to the point:" Oh God,remember Steve. Lead him out of this dark place. Let him know you are there"...still feel struck utterly dumb in the presence of such deep suffering. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy,Lord have mercy.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of cheeseburgers, I have a link for Simcha.... (some friend! I write to the cat first!)
ReplyDeletehttp://icanhascheezburger.com/
I am glad you are feeling stronger. Praying for the Lords healing hands to surround you. I love that icanhasxheezbuerger.com website. Very enertaining if you are a cat lover.
ReplyDeleteSteve,
ReplyDeleteAm thinking of you often and pray you continue to feel better and better and that the worst is behind you. You are a good healer.
Mary Lou
Steve,
ReplyDeleteSooo glad to finally begin getting good reports. I pray that they continue and that each day is better than the one before. May this some day, like childbirth, be only a distant memory!!
LUV U,
Barb