After last post, I've taken a several day break, partly because I felt I was failing my thanksgiving commitment. I had an under the weather weekend, and felt drained and lousy all weekend. Along with that came a return of some feelings of despair and discouragement. Being thankful seemed just beyond my grasp. I have had a slight upswing the past two days, partly because I am again at work, and partly because of a phone conversation I had last evening with a man who had virtually the same diagnosis, treatment, oncologist and course of recovery...though this week marks one year since treatment ended for him (6 weeks for me). His energy is back, he has no cancer, his appetite and eating have essentially returned (though some foods still taste funny), his saliva is partially restored, though he carries a bottle with water because he gets dry easily. He was very encouraging and kept telling me how things will get so much better over time, and I need to rest and allow the healing to take it's gradual course. That is so hard for me.
I am reviewing all I have to be thankful for, at least intellectually if not at a deeper level. There is a lot. But it is not a giddy thankfulness, and it's not eliminating this fear/discouragement that accompanies good parts of my day.
On another note, I have begin getting glimpses of taste the last few days...but to my horror...the taste of Ensure is NOT a pleasant one, and it makes drinking it harder, not easier...I tasted some fruit juice this morning, and again, it was a bit of a weird taste. I also took a bite of Jello this morning...not as bad as the other two things, but not exactly enjoyable either. I am thankful that some taste is happening; now I need to find something that tastes pleasant...and is soft and goes down easily. Any suggestions?
Did I mention I received my H1N1 vaccine last Thursday through the local health department who considered me to fall into the "High Risk" category? Now...I have to wait about another week for it to fully be in effect. It's a relief, though, to be vaccinated. One less thing for my "fear" list.
If I don't post again before Thanksgiving...(I hope to)...have a blessed Thanksgiving full of good fellowship, food and the presence of our gracious God.
Psalm 100
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
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Ironically, my friend, this suggestion takes advantage of your still-healing taste buds: Please Google "green drink powder" and muse around until you feel inspired (sic?) to find a power-packed smoothie base to sip on that will nourish you. Of course I've become a fresh juicing nut (carrot-apple-beet-ginger is my specialty) and you need the gear for that. Also aloe vera juice (not gel), mixed with some fruit juice. That's my suggestion for as much nutrition as possible taken in as gently as can be, with your still-healing throat. I'm sure some more MOR suggestions will come about! hugs & blessings to you, Steve
ReplyDeleteSteve, I want to commend you for your resolve to give thanks in the midst of major trials. I have enough trouble giving thanks in the midst of perfect health. I cry easily over hang nails. Thanks for sharing the Psalm. It is a great reminder to focus on the blessings of God's goodness and His enduring love. Hugs and blessings back to you.
ReplyDeleteSteve,
ReplyDeleteLets see, something that tastes good is soft and goes down easy. I've always been partial to a shot of good Irish Whiskey :)