checking in - 101 posts

That's right...this is my 101st post...I think I hit a wall with #100...suddenly, this past week, I had a hard time with "checking in." I saw 4 clients a day, and did not feel much energy to do much of anything else. I am into my 8th week post treatment, but the enrgy just seems to be at a standstill. I know I need to up the intake of calories and push myself to begin eating some more food, but the motivation is not strong. Still no appetite and only the faintest taste. Food with texture (i.e. all food) is basically aversive. I hope to at least start eating more soup, but after one success with a bowl of cream of chicken, I have not ventured back...just a few more bites of jello.

I have also been almost continuously cold. No matter how high I set the thermostat, I feel cold. Today the outdoor temp was in the teens when I drove to my office, and I never had such a negative feeling about living in Nebraska...I think...how am I going to get through three more months of winter? It's actually been quite mild for Nebraska until this week, and we have been spared snow. But cold is cold. I think I am going to start annoying my clients with my electric room heater...they say "it feels good in here" when they fist walk in from the outdoor cold, but I have a feeling they start to wonder why the office is around 80 degrees after awhile. I am sure the winter is getting to me because I am not burning enough calories, and I think the circulation to my hands and feet might have been effected by treatment.

I had an appointment with the ENT doc who will read the PET scan and give me the results. We set a date of January 19 for that to happen. He told me that the radiation is continuing to work for about 12 weeks, so they want to let it get it's full effect before the final scan. So about 6 weeks from now, I will finally find out if treatment "cured" me or not. From the informal examination he did, he saw and felt no sign of the tumor, and seemed optimistic, but the telling exam is yet to come.

I have been no fun to live with. My mood is usually as drab as I feel. I just watch TV on the couch, prefering to have as close to zero activity as possible after 5PM.

I am definitely continuing with this blog at least until I get the final results in January, so be patient with me...I may not be posting as frequently as I have in the past, but I will keep updating, and I'd love to be able to write some positive news. I AM certainly further along in recovery, when I consider the big picture, and the worst is behind me, but as I wrote last time, day to day, not much changes. For now...for me...

...but not forever!