It has taken me another week to regain most of the (diminished) strength I had, but today I am feeling more energy and I will manage my day at the office without the need for napping. I don't know what hit me, but, I think it is behind me. What a relief. Unfortunately, I dropped another few pounds...I'll have to work on that this weekend. I was reluctant to write when I was in poor spirits, but I am feeling all around better now. Each day this week was a bit better than the previous.
I think I am coming to terms with the slowness of my recovery, and keep my expectations in check...of course, part of that process includes the recognition that there will be days I get discouraged...so I don't beat myself up too much for that. I continue to get positive reports from the oncologist, who says I am on track and need to keep pushing myself to expand my eating of food...I thought I would be more than ready to do that, but, as he reminds me...it is "rehabilitation" and thus will feel like work. All I know is that as much as I am sick of Ensure, food with texture still is unpleasant. I have some ideas for the weekend to experiment with.
I "know" more and more the reality of living this a day at a time. How many of us have said those words, and how few of us ever come remotely close to living it. I know I am closer, but still have a way to go. My anxiety comes when I start worrying about the future...my oncologist says I'll look back at this Christmas as the season of my healing and recovery...but for me...I will just strive to be present and be here today, Friday. That's what I've been handed.
PS...I do not know why certain words get highlighted and linked to other sites...I am sure it is a way for Google to increase their ad revenue...I haven't figured out if there is a way to stop that, but, believe me, as far as I know, I have no control over that. That just started happening.
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Steve, here is a suggestion: do some visual art as part of your day. Maybe you already are. The thing about painting or drawing or endeavors of that sort is you can get lost in time; it can engage you in the moment in a powerful way; it can stop the clock. That's been my experience, anyway. It might be worth a try. I'm so glad things are improving, even at a slow pace. God bless you. Take care.--Peg
ReplyDeleteGood to read of an upswing. You have got to be fealing healthy by the 30th to vigorously cheer for the Huskers. They are a 1.5 point under dog, so they will need all the help they can get. The pressure is on. :) God bless.
ReplyDeleteHey Steve,
ReplyDeleteI think I'm going to give Kathy Mom's recipe of sneaking in a raw egg into your milkshake!
Hi, Steve....Thanks for the update; you continue in our thoughts and prayers. I came across something recently in my job from Dr. Piazza the Director of the UNMC pediatric feeding team..."start off by making eating as easy as possible...baby food, small tastes...as fun as possible"...she compares "learning to eat (again) as training to run a marathon...start by running one mile not 25." ...I think you are dong just what you need to do by rejoicing in the present and cherishing the small victories. Start small, find something pleasant and rewarding, keep at it.....
ReplyDeleteImmanuel,
M & M