checking in - blueberries, sunshine, exercise, laughter, God

Regaining one's sense of taste is an odd thing. Some foods continue to be tasteless, some foods are OK, some have an unpleasant taste, and some foods the taste is just a vague hint of flavor that comes and goes. Even something as sweet as canned peaches some days is essentially tasteless. But I was delighted to discover blueberries tasted really good to me. I've been eating them on cereal every morning...cheerios, fiber one, wheat chex, bran flakes (and rice krispies when I can't get to sleep at night)...and I have been eating them with cottage cheese...and they taste good every time. Spaghetti and meat sauce was not bad, but I needed a lot of sauce to get the pasta down. Can one add blueberries to marinara??? Last night, I attempted to eat some Chinese take out food...I kept my order wimpy...snow peas chicken and won ton soup...figuring I would start rather bland. The fried rice and crab rangoon that went with the order were too dry and I gave up on those after one or two bites, as a voice in my head said..."have you forgotten you don't have saliva to slide this down?" But I ate the soup and about half the chicken dish. The texture of chicken is still unpleasant, but I am working on eating food, pleasant or not. I have yet to experience "hunger" and I eat because I should, not because I feel like it...with the exception...maybe...of blueberries. I have halted my weight loss, and even have gained one pound. I am also starting to drink water...again...not because of thirst or taste, but because I really need to. I also force myself to drink three bottles of Ensure plus daily...I long for the day when I am consuming enough real food that I can ban Ensure from our fridge for life.

We are forecast to get above freezing today for the first time in many weeks, and it sounds like we might even be in a warming trend which will get us above 40 in the next week or so...another cause for celebration...warmer weather makes me feel happy.

I began carrying my pedometer again, and I try to walk a mile (indoors) at my office every few days. I also am lifting some very, very light weights to try to regain some arm strength. Boy, did I lose strength....

Last night we watched some dumb sitcom...but a comment was made that cracked me up. One of those laughs that bring tears to your eyes. And I realized that that might have been my first laughing since August. Note to myself....I am waking up from this nightmare...there are moments to be enjoyed right here right now.

And finally, and firstly...I am again feeling more connected with God, and His love for me and my love for Him. I am reading scripture daily and seeing Him moving again in my life. I know He has never abandoned me, but I think I had abandoned Him for awhile...and of course, He is, as always, full of grace, forgiveness, mercy, love.

So...a week from today is that big day...and at least for right now...His grace is sufficient for me...let's have some blueberries!