Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Today (10-15-14 ) I am five years cancer free after undergoing 35 days of radiation and 2 cycles of chemotherapy for stage 4 throat cancer in the fall of 2009.  I am so grateful to be here. Though today is extraordinary to me, in reality, every day and every hour always is. Eternally. Extraordinary.  My life.  My next breath. Extraordinary.    Gasping and grasping and stumbling through this.  My soul coming into existence. What a tender intimacy there seems to me between me and my God. Extraordinary.  And then, in a few more breaths, I will be home with Him.     The depths of this Union. Extraordinary.

Tomorrow, day 1824 cancer free turns to day 1825 cancer free since that last bombardment of radiation.  For a while, I thought the title of the book of my life was going to be, “MY CANCER,” subtitled “MY SPECIAL SUFFERING.” I thought everyone should be very interested in reading along with me; I think I might have become a bit of an insufferable bore for the first 2 years of this cancer recovery.  Now, “MY CANCER” is just one chapter in the volume of my life. Soon, perhaps, it will be a footnote. Soon after, I myself will be a footnote.  But the remarkable thing to me is the tenderness I feel toward this chapter.   A tiny stretch of highway on my little journey that I reflect on with tears and smiles.  Oddly, one that I now only rarely regret, but, rather, mostly embrace.  And, oh, how delighted and grateful I am to be here to write this.  Today, just tears of joy…tears of joy!

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