Two years in remission

Today, October 15, 2011, I celebrate two years in remission from my stage four throat cancer. Yes, two years. My life is again full and busy and my energy is back. I taste food again, though perhaps a little less intensely. I've regained 15 of the 30 pounds I lost and I am now at a perfect weight for me. (All things considered, I'd have rather done weight watchers to lose that stubborn 15 pounds). I have a few lingering issues - I am hypothyroid (and on meds for that) and my salivary glands forgot to come back (I drink more water than my lawn). These are small things in the grand scheme of my life.

Here is what I want to say:

Cancer is such a hard journey. I have not the adjectives to describe the emotional, physical and spiritual difficulty of it. It leaves a hole in your body, your life. Rather, I should say, it left a hole in my body, my life. But looking back, I see that God was and is there...and in some mystical way, the ruins and ravages of cancer left more space for Him to fill and inhabit. I didn't always experience that filling in the moment... quite the contrary, in the moment of suffering, I was aware of little else but my pain and self-pity. I was so miserable (and, dare I say, cowardly) in my suffering. Nonetheless, I believe that it happened. I know it. And I believe I am on a journey home. If I am to linger here, I'm blessed. And if He makes a shortcut for me, I am blessed again. I may not always be so joyously positive; I know I was awfully depressed in the darkest days of radiation and chemotherapy... But this is where I am today.

There is much about suffering, there is much about gratitude, there is much about compassion that I have yet to understand, but I am still growing... there are vast oceans of growth yet to cross.

If anyone stumbles here and is on that hard journey, I am honored by your presence. If I can pray, encourage, listen... send me an e-mail: steveblum77@gmail.com. We are strengthened when we walk together. I am strengthened when I listen. And more than ever, I am learning to listen.

blessings!
steve

Just remember this One Thing

My journey continues - 1.5 years into remission!!!

A reminder:

In sickness, in brokenness, in wholeness, in health...in life and in death...and at all points in between...
please remember... you are loved. It can be a hard a thing to take hold of the hand of God... but it is not too hard a thing for Him to take hold of us!

I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:8

Posted by steve at 5:10 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, March 15, 2011

In memory

One of the "followers" of this blog was a Canadian woman named Daria...her link is on the list of followers... I periodically check blogs that I've visited in the past...sometimes only once every few months. I checked her blog today to find her husband had posted that Daria had lost her battle with cancer this weekend. She had faithfully blogged about her cancer journey for a number of years, and had hundreds following her journey... it struck me again that many, many daily lose this battle, and though I am blessed and fortunate to have to this point been a survivor, I am also saddened and grieved by every loss. I read. I hear. I pray. God have mercy and bring comfort to Daria's friends and family, and friends and families of all who succumb to cancer. I pray those who lose this mortal battle find themselves encircled by His everlasting arms of love in joyful reunion.

follow me here

Hey, it is kind of you to be here....I have moved on to another blog, but please, feel free to browse around HERE first...it's been a long journey through cancer diagnosis, treatment, and recovery and I am happy and honored that you might wish to share some of that journey with me. I am also honored to have received the award you see to the right, and amazed that wonderfully caring people took time to follow my ramblings through the trials and turmoil of stage four throat cancer treatment...the comments left carried me through the most difficult year of my life.

So, whatever day or time it is right now, know this:

I
thank
God
again
and
again.

If you care to find me now (and I am still mindful of my cancer recovery, but not obsessed with it to the degree that I was here...here is my new address... http://blumswhispers.blogspot.com/

Post 142 - Journey's end...but another begins!

I debated about using that video clip, but I wanted to end with a smile, and how can you not smile at Porky Pig? Look at that face...he really seems to have come to terms with himself and his limitations...he seems... well... happy, doesn't he? I dont think he's hiding behind a facade...Porky's just livin' in the moment!

The time has come to wrap up this one year journey/blog. I just re-read my first entry, posted on July 30, 2009, and here is some of what I wrote:

I am one day into my life with a diagnosed carcinoma...a metasticized, undifferentiated squamous cell carcinoma in my neck, to be more precise. I await the PET scan next week to give me a more specific diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment protocol.

I am not by any means at home with this awareness...but as the hours go by, so does the sinking in process.
I have another awareness, and that is an abiding sense of love...from God, from my family, from the few friends I've confided in.
I depend on scripture and poetry and calm morning walks to lift my spirit.
I seek to deepen the deep things of my life.

Wow, has it been a long and interesting year! I am amazed to be sitting here typing a year later, in such good spirits. I made it! And I fulfilled my mission with this blog. You know, this may sound like a cliche, but I only made it with the love and support of God, friends, famly and readers. I've been more transparent than I ever could have imagined a year ago. When I re-read the post from last July, I was writing that the diagnosis was "sinking in," but looking back, I know I was naive, minimizing, and still mostly in denial.

It seems that's how I always start "journeys." Had I really known what I was in for...it would have been more than I could have handled at that point. I am grateful that only God is all-knowing!

So here I sit, one year later, with a good prognosis and a clean CT scan. Those of you who have travelled with me through this know I've moped and whined through some of this past year, and rejoiced and sang through other parts of the year. Cancer is a bitch! I am not trying to be cute. I realize how fortunate I am to have come through stage 4 cancer as a survivor to this point...the title of this post could easily have been cut off after "Journey's end." But, by the grace of God, I get to start another journey. So I take a deep breath, give thanks, and pray that I take the deeper things and lessons I have learned on this journey with me. I pray I enter the next with more compassion for those who suffer, be it physically, emotionally or spiritually. Although I can't bear to imagine it, I know if the journey would have taken a different turn, God would have provided the grace to enable me to deal with that...as it happened, moment by moment. I am going forward with a lot of gratitude in my heart. How blessed I am! I am humbled by all I've received.

Here's an invitation. I am not ready to quit blogging. It's too much fun, and too good a way to procrastinate when I have paperwork I should be getting done at my office to just let go of. So I will start a new blog for another year.

There was no particular name that jumped out at me; I only knew I wanted "cancer" out of the name. I thought, since I am just rambling most often, "word salad" might fit...but that's not very original...then "whisper salad" popped into my head. Not real creative, but it's my idea...so I'll start off with that.

And, if you care to join me...here's the link:

http://blumswhispers.blogspot.com/

Thank you so very much for travelling with me. You just can't imagine how much it means to me!

God bless you, friend!